The Proposal

In almost all weddings, each of them always begins with The Proposal, which is almost exclusively a guys' thing. After all, in "The Proposal" episode, girls are at the receiving end, either in shock and lost for words, in tears, or perhaps disappointed by the size of the stone. For the guys, The Proposal is about creativity, uniqueness, and a tremendous amount of stress.

Why would there be stress if you are so confident that she will say YES? Well, it is all human nature. Proposing is not the same as confession. Although they are both declarations of love, the former carries a much greater commitment. And it is precisely this lifetime promise that makes the stakes much higher, and naturally the greater the anxiety, no matter how confidence you are. What if she says NO for some reasons you cannot fathom? Like, "sorry I am not ready - now, yet". Or "sorry, I would like to find my 人生方向, before marrying you." You have to admit it, sometimes, it is so difficult to understand girls (I am not even sure if they understand themselves), but no offence, that's what makes girls cute! And men derive thrill out of guessing correctly what she thinks (else face the wrath!).

Hence, to a guy, Proposal is like a mission, and almost sacred. Failure is not an option (although I do hear one or two exceptions, but luckily it was mission accomplished the 2nd time). For me, if I were to be rejected for some uncomprehensible reasons (like "give me a few more years ok?" just to add to the two above), chances are, I won't try again. I mean, come on, how would I know you will be ready in 2 years time? (the girl will probably answer if you ask, "you will know it when I am ready" - not helping dude.) To me, if you are still considering now, then probably you are still keeping your options open, and you probably do not love me enough, so I should move on. Girls would probably argue that the guy does not love her enough to wait. Perhaps so, because 男人也是有青春的.

Fortunately for me, all went well and I am now happily married. So was my Proposal experience unique? Yep. Extraordinary? Well, not really. The key to The Proposal, I guess is the surprise element, the effort and the exclusiveness. It has to be about the TWO OF YOU. The rest of the stuffs like flowers, kneeling down, etc are peripherals.

I started planning The Proposal sometime in September, while I was in Hong Kong. The venue, the props, the speech, and of course the ring. Initial idea was to do it in MBS, as we planned to book a room there to celebrate her birthday. My plot goes like this:

- Book a table at the rooftop

- While she unwraps the birthday gift, I will go to the room and get the cake

- Return with cake, wearing a T-shirt spelling "Will You Marry Me?" underneath a jacket

- Play "You Are My Sunshine" with harmonica (most portable musical instrument I can think of, although I prefer guitar or piano)

- After the song, remove my jacket, and kneel down with the ring

I actually got down to making that T-shirt and learning how to play harmonica, before I thought the whole scenario is inappropriate. It is just not very US. So I scrapped the entire plan (we still went for the MBS stay eventually), and came up with a new plan.

The Actual Proposal on 06 Nov 2011

- Arrange to meet her at Mandarin Gallery's Arteastiq Cafe at 4pm (a quiet little cafe hidden behind Marxx furniture gallery. We used to have high tea there a couple of times, relax ambience with little crowd)

- I just returned from Melbourne midnight flight, and rushed to office at 630am to print the love diary I have written over these few months

- Rush to attend a colleague's wedding, and then get the printed diary binded

- Meet my best friend and his fiancee at The Canary @ Orchard Delfi to choose the ring

- By 3pm, the ring is chosen, but cannot be made in time by 4pm. Has to wait.

- Rush to Mandarin Gallery and ordered a bouquet of sunflower.

- Sms my wife to explain to her why I will be late. (I lied to her saying my best friend is having a big quarrel with his fiancee and I am the mediator)

- 550pm (1hr 50min late), rush to the cafe with the ring and the book

- show her the book, and ask her read, while I went to collect the flowers (lied saying I going to toilet)

- reappear with the bouquet, by when she has read the last page, which is a Chinese poem titled "风和日丽"

- kneel down (on one knee and not both!) and presented the ring, and popped the question!

- Mission accomplished

Nothing extraordinary, but definitely exclusive to the two of us only. Because the book is on our love story and is titled "You Are My Sunshine" (with a sunflower picture) which is the song of the musical box she made for me in Otaru, Hokkaido. And sunflower is really our theme, because that's the first flower she gave me when she came to pick me up from the airport, and we just visited sunflower farm in Furano, Hokkaido in July. So naturally the proposal flower was sunflower, and not roses. But to me, the key was the phrase 风和日丽, because she once asked me when do I think I will be ready to propose, and I mentioned, "我随时都有娶你的准备，只是在等风和日丽的一天罢了。" So when she saw that poem (which is way too mushy to reveal here), she was still thinking if this was a proposal, and that's when I knelt and asked the question. Talk about nice timing.

So it was nothing extraordinary, but there was surprise (cuz I was late and she caught off guard), there was effort (despite busy flying and studies, I managed to write a book), and the exclusiveness (sunflowers and poem). You need not bring her to Greenwich, London and tell her this is where time begins and also where my love for you will be eternal (although I have to admit that is the coolest and most romantic proposal I ever heard!), or buy her a 1.3carat diamond ring which cost $28k (but it is the most generous proposal ring I heard also, and with that, I guess you do not need the surprise, effort and exclusiveness. 我是肤浅的). As long as she sees your sincerity and commitment, I am sure the mission will be accomplished.

Speaking about diamond, next up: How to choose diamond ring (quite no brainer actually, because girls do not know much too!)